By Robert Scucci
| Published
The term “direct-to-video” is usually associated with low-budget projects that cannot secure a wide theatrical release. In most cases, this is correct logic. However, there is a 1996 film that defies all logic Theodore Rex – a $33.5 million buddy cop sci-fi movie starring Whoopi Goldberg and the film's eponymous anthropomorphic dinosaur portrayed with a little too much gusto by George Newbern (Father of the Bride).
While I'm normally a big fan of 'so bad it's good' headlines, Theodore Rex It's one of those movies that will haunt me until I'm on my deathbed. Plus, it seems to me that New Line Cinema is aware of this fact, so you won't find this movie in any movie. stream platform as of this writing.
Futuristic Dino Detectives?
Theodore Rex You waste no time insulting your intelligence with a Star Wars-style exposition before the movie that tells you everything you need to know:
A clumsy but lovable dinosaur named Theodore Rex, a wannabe detective, is a shy and rude futuristic cop named Katie Coltrane (Whoopi Goldberg). to regain his mark and a crime scene involving a dead dinosaur, a massive conspiracy about an evil billionaire named Elizar Kane (Armin Mueller-Stahl) who wants to use fish DNA to start a new ice age for… reasons.
Mixed character design
About the most frustrating part Theodore Rex is his character design. I'll be the first to admit that walking and talking dinosaur puppets look great for light-hearted mid-90s movies, but their personalities make no sense and seem made for them. its sole purpose is to make the audience go “haha, that's so random!” is to make zealous by saying.
For example, when Theodore Rex wants a snack, his penthouse apartment with a deck has an automated cookie launcher. Let's unpack this for a second, because our dino-detective hero is low on the PR career totem pole and only dying to be a cop in the first act.
How can Theodore Rex afford this lifestyle and why does he love cookies so much?
What does she do to have an endless supply of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies in an apartment that big? Frasier Would the crane be envious of his living conditions? Is the cookie shooter custom made? At least we know his big tail van was bought with taxpayer money, but I have no good reason to believe Theodore Rex is a “cookie thrower's money” by any stretch of the imagination.
Also Theodore, as well as the remaining dinosaurs after being integrated into society created by the villain, all decided they no longer wanted to be carnivores for reasons that were never fully explained. If I had to guess, this idiosyncrasy was created for the sole purpose of making the dinosaurs in this universe a little weirder.
Whoopi Goldberg Didn't Want To Be There
In a 2015 interview with Folha de S. Paulo, By God Goldberg He didn't mince words when he said he didn't want to be a star Theodore Rex. In fact, producer Richard Gilbert Abramson filed a $20 million lawsuit against Goldberg in 1992 after she verbally agreed to star in the role of Katie Coltrane. is moving forward with the project, but his disdain is evident in every frame.
There is not a single sign inside Theodore Rex It's not accompanied by a “I can't believe I'm saying those words out loud” look of horror on Goldberg's face. It's not revealed until the third act that Katie Coltrane is part cyborg, which explains why she walks around so unenthusiastically—like a drugged cat following a laser pointer—aside from doing the plot no good. movie. Part of me wonders if this revelation was simply added to the script to explain the soullessness of Goldberg's actions and line delivery.
By God Goldberg was paid $7 million for the role Theodore Rex.
If You Want To Pass It On, That's OK
Theodore Rex is not available anywhere in the broadcast, which is probably for humanity's benefit. Humanity is overstimulated with endless technological innovation, multiple wars, economic hardship, hunger, corruption, advertising, get-rich-quick schemes, and a sense of political division that will only get worse until things get better. For most people, sit and watch Theodore Rex it may be what pushes them aside as a means of escape from the horrors of modern life.
I regret devoting 92 minutes of my time Theodore Rexall hope is not lost. I watched this movie so I didn't have to. But if you're a glutton for punishment, you'll probably find every copy of this movie at the bottom of the decades-old tar pit it belongs to.
